In The Moment

It seems I have always been living in the moment. I just haven't been enjoying the moment as much as I would like to be. While I have appreciated, smiled and giggled maniacally at them, I haven't been savoring each one properly! I have had some very interesting moments too. My life has been supremely enjoyable. I never really brood about what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future. Life is what it is. I don't linger over it too much anyways. I am not overly emotional about the little stupid crap or the big overwhelming crap. What do they really matter anyway? Things are only as important as I decide they are and I decide they are not. There are at this moment in my universe, exactly three things that get my fleeting attention, very occasionally, that are in the past.
There was that one time in '92 that I know positively, absolutely that there is a video of... I get a little nervous now when MTV runs documentaries. But, it was super fun and not everyone has had the experience!
And one time 10 years ago, my husband said something to upset me so badly that I cried for a week and I still get a little hacked off about it if I think on it too long. So I don't really think on it much. Now.
The third thing? Not important to the subject. I am still making amends. It was not well done of me.
I take proper precautions with my life. Kind of. I plan a few weeks into the future at least. There is always enough. There is not always extra, but there is always enough!
So, about a year ago I was pretty sure I was going to die a horrible, young death. I didn't really brood on it. I just noted that it might be possible. It took me 4 months to get up the nerve I needed to verify my belief. I was an inward wreck for 2 weeks and then I went to get some tests run. I am fine. After 15 minutes of heavy, heavy relief ridden sobbing in the doctors office, I am fine. I am again certain this body will live for a long long time.
As a result of this though, I am in the present. No more messing around with boredom and being milquetoast about anything. I have decided to not do anything that I do not want to do. What's the point? It does not bring me joy and if I'm going to spread joy around, I need to be in possession of enough to share. I am going to love everyone of my friends completely, like I always have only now they will all feel the love. Regularly. To my long distance friends...you'll get used to it. It's nice to be loved. Maybe overwhelming, but nice and warm and snuggly with a smile on top..love!
I will cut more slack to people. I realize not everyone can or will do what I consider to be acceptable. I'm sure I'm not perfect either, but I am acceptable to me! I'm kind of picky about stuff. I will help others if I can and not point and laugh too loudly if I can't. I'm still a little mean deep down, but at least I do it with a smile and absolutely in fun, never ever maliciousness. Mad glee yes, mean spirited, no.
I realized all of this the other day as I returned to my car with a donut. I leaned my head on the head rest and enjoyed the hell out of that donut. I am going to cherish the sweet glaze that is life and probably more pastry items. Then I will lick my lips and finger tips and move on to whatever bit of delicious life throws my way. So here I am. In the moment and deliriously happy!