Thankfully Yours

I am thankful for so much. I am thankful that I have so many good friends. They are so appreciated by me! Yes, all of them. You! Next I am thankful that Jenny smells like happiness and sunshine and that Wednesdays only come once a week. I am very thankful that my ass is shrinking, that someone invented the hula hoop and that I am not related in anyway to the guy that wants his eggs done "runny". I am thankful that I do not work on Sunday, that I figured out video chat and that I have 66 friends willing to humor me by "fan"ing Angelsauce. I am thankful to have a child that is both hilarious and intelligent and a husband that will let me talk and talk. I am thankful for the happiness the people at work bring and the fact that they know so much weird stuff about me and still love me. I am thankful for all the nice things people call me to my face. I am thankful I found old friends. I am thankful that I write some seriously questionable things and someone is there to cheer me on and thankful that Pat pointed out to me that I like words. I really do, I just did not know! I am thankful that the guy I followed because I was perturbed with his driving skills did not shoot me and also that I scared him a little. I'm thankful that Mike's lemonade tastes good and that Lorie likes to play Scrabble. I am thankful for laughter and beauty and the people that can find both. Here's a short list so I do not have to keep typing the word "thankful". Iced tea, a lack of marmite in my house, dancing, sunshine, thunderstorms, heavy breathing, pretty shoes, hugs, kisses, pokes, pie, 1/2 priced appetizers, freaks, music, soft jammies, air conditioning, donuts, naughtiness, white sand, oceans, french vanilla lattes, cars, toe jam, lemon curd, forehead slaps, Family Guy, stupid questions, intelligent answers, DQ Krunch Kote, Q tips, urbandictionary.com, thinkgeek.com, brothers who make good french toast, trampolines, kittens, bumblebees, desire, hope, humor, love, raw sugar, back massages and life. I'm sure the list is longer than your patience.
Thankfully you are mine. Thankfully, I am yours!

Your Application Choices

I'm am in no way judging your activities. Nor am I making fun of you. I lie! I sooo am! But whatever! You must be at least a little odd if you count me as a friend! I wouldn't know all this crazy stuff about you and your application choices unless I played the same games, or at the very least because I'm your "neighbor" for the sake of some important, yet unknown benefit. Thanks for all the "gifts" you send me. This is how I totally know you're thinking of me in some quirky, bizarre way. I enjoy the hugs and kisses, the smiles, water gun fights, the fairies and the cheese. I've gotten hammered from all the brew you've sent! I like the quizzes, the Friend FAQ's and the Christmas presents. I just never knew I was buddies with so many farmers, mobsters, chefs, vampires and knights! You island dwelling, kidnapping, roller-coaster building, poker playing, Yoville working, ichthyology enthusiasts! Goodness! You make me smile and raise an eyebrow!! So, I guess what I'm saying is..drive your race cars with enthusiasm! Fling that food with precision! Poke me! I like it. Smack people with your pillows and for the love all that is holy and great....please send Flair and Bumper Stickers, but do NOT post them to my wall! I like to keep some stuff secret! Send me lots and make 'em good!
P.S. Will you join me in Mafia Wars? I need two more people.

I Was Hungry

I was hungry. I had to buy groceries. I don't have a house boy or anything , so I must venture to that food zoo by myself. I went straight there from work.
It was all going quite normally. I was chatting on the phone with my mom. The crazy grocery store people LOVE it when I am on my phone. My voice gets gradually louder and louder with each exciting piece of conversational excellence I take part in. I am doing ok all through the produce isles. I meander over to gaze upon the .39 cents a pound turkey, all the while discussing with my mom that I would be happy just going to a thanksgiving movie. I don't want the turkey, but the promise of a deal has drawn me over with it's invisible force. I am sure I am turning into a vegetarian anyhow (except for bacon) and even if I were hungry for meat, I will NOT be eating the hip widening hell that is Thanksgiving dinner. My quest for a smaller waist line is going well. Oddly, there are no more turkeys in the grocers fridge. Huh. What now? I spy shrimp on sale. Healthy and on sale. I had to buy something besides vegetables for a change. I swear I'm getting a green cast to my skin I have consumed so much spinach in the last month. I made it tearfully past the siren call of the donuts and I am happy with the choices I have made. I am finally off the phone and am able to look around and enjoy the scenery such as it is.
Here is a woman walking toward me wearing a brown jacket that she should have burnt after 8th grade, a diagonally striped orange and white jammie shirt that hangs mid thigh, some kind of pants and fuzzy purple slippers. WTF? Do we not match our slippers to our outfits anymore? Heathen! Anyhoo..I get the satisfaction of listening to her cell phone conversation now.. "She know I'm mad! She better not call dis phone!" Said the woman in the purple slippers. Tell it sistah!
You'll note that I used the tiny bit of restraint I can sometimes muster and did not take a picture. Bummer.
Giggling to myself, I go to check out. Old dude gives me the total. I dutifully count out my ones. He says I counted a dollar short. WHAT? NO! This cannot be. I count it over. Of course it's perfect. I tell him it is correct and that the one thing I can do very well is count. He trusts me and puts the money away. I'm smiling at my counting success and I see that the guy behind me is looking askance at my declaration that I am only really able to do this one thing well. I, feeling like a cheeky monkey, proclaim, "Of course I can do other stuff well too." Yeah. I think it came out flirty instead of cheeky. He smiled. I'm pretty sure he had already decided what that might be. MEN! Thanks again. :)
I leave the checkout line and haul ass toward the door. I was frustrated after waiting an eternity for some sloth-speed woman to figure out how to not be right in front of me. I did not even nudge her with my cart. I ought to get a medal.
I notice then (quite by accident) that this random guy I passed has a HUGE package. Huge! After an unconscious double take of his "assests", I realized that in fact he is likely wearing a diaper. I am scarred eternally as I beeline for my car.
I do not think I'll be hungry again for quite some time.

On The Pipe

When I wake up in the morning now, I don't just hop out anymore. I do not run joyously out to great the day. The day can wait. I don't want to appear too eager! I stay snuggled and warm under the covers. I may look out the window for a bit and watch the leaves on the tree tops. I look at how the clouds are moving. I notice what the weather is like. I try to tell what time it is by the light of the sky. Sometimes I try out the apps on my phone. I read tweets or quotes. I stumble over to MySpace to see what's going on. The only thing I try not to do is text or status update. I have done this. Sorry if you have been on the receiving end of my "morning love". I am either speaking some inappropriate piece of truth or an incoherent, unorganized thought. Sometimes both at once. I try not to type before 10am. I do however think on absolute pleasantness. I daydream fiercely now, mostly just in the morning. It makes me feel incredibly peaceful. I simply take the time now to arrive. I will put my feet on the floor when I have sufficiently amused myself and can go out in to the world with great expectations.
So, this morning I was pondering something in my lazy morning way. I began to wonder how some people can go through life and not be crazy curious about stuff. For instance, if I were to say, "I liked it so much, I got you one too. You can have it later." I have friends who would be all over that statement. "What is it? Can I have it now? Why did you like it? What color is it?" You know. Old fashioned curiosity. I know people that wouldn't even hear it said. Some that would give it a nanomoment of attention. Then there are the people that hear it and are not driven over the edge by lack of data. The kind of people that have no urge to shake their Christmas presents. They can carry on in a normal way with life and do not need to know. These are the beings that took up my thinking time this morning.
How can anyone do this??? If you are one of these curiosity resistant people, you must tell me the secret! It has to be something besides the fact that you just don't care. I've heard that. I don't understand that statement at all. It does not communicate to me in the least! Personally, I need to know things!! I can not rest until I do. The longest instance I can remember having had a question to ask someone is about 23 years. I did not get a satisfactory answer because the other person did not remember the event. I can move on only because I have made up my own answer. Yep, I'll do that. I need to be able to cope! I am very impatient. It is not unheard of that I would do little dance of frustration. Kind of like the potty dance, but a little quicker, add hand wiggling and a groan at being made to wait more than a second. It's like I'm on the damn pipe. Only it's not crack I'm after. It's answers. Save me the indignity of my child-like dance and give me what I need baby! Don't be stingy with the communication. You can never talk to often or tell me too much. Your data is like little pieces of smokable fun so to speak. I just don't want to have to fill the gap with imagination. That never does anyone any good! Except maybe me. In the morning.

I'M RIGHT HERE!!! HELLO!!!

I know I'm opening up the door to my friends having loads of fun at my expense. Nevertheless it must be brought into the light. I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I HATE HATE HATE when people ignore me!!! I am adding an arm-crossing, petulant foot stomping to that statement! I never knew this about myself until recently. I of course knew it bothered me, but it has never been a regular occurrence until this year. Obviously over the years someone neglected to pay attention and I'm sure I got a little ruffled. On the rare occasions that this happens, I place myself in their path, blow a bit o' sunshine at them and all is as it should be. Love is being bestowed upon me. Being ignored has never been a chronic thing with anyone other than my husband and The Boy and I got over that years ago. My husband, who I have decided to lovingly refer to as "The Steve" does not hear me speak. Never has. I know this. It kind of amuses me now. Though not always. I tell him crazy random stuff that he half acknowledges. Like he actually heard me and cares. I know he doesn't. If he listened, he'd be concerned as hell! So I get a good giggle at his expense and continue telling him what I want to tell him knowing full well he wouldn't be able to repeat back to me what I said. But, The Steve is deep in thought over weighty issues. I know. The Boy, I think just doesn't give a crap. If I parked myself in front of them however and said hello, they would acknowledge my presence.
So, here I am finding out that I cannot take it! It quite literally gets me riled. How riled? Enough that I feel the need to vent in this forum. It makes me feel better to get it all out!
I don't mean that people should be aware of my presence just because I walk the earth. I wouldn't find anything odd about it if they did though. I mean, that if I take the time to notice a person breathes, wonder about their existence, spend mental energy having a freakish amount of affinity and then actually make the effort to say..."Hi, how the hell are you anyway?", that a response is not too much to ask for. Right? Crap! I actually care about the answer or I wouldn't ask the question. I don't talk just to hear myself. Also, is it too much to ask that a person say good bye when they are ending a conversation? I don't think so. That is how civilised people know a conversation has ended. Well, that or dead air. Hate dead air. Rude!All I want is an acknowledgement. If a person you were fond of walked up to you on the street and said, "what's new with you?" Would you walk away, only to respond 2 weeks later if at all? No. That would be rude! If you are too busy, one could understand, but say so!
Maybe it is all the new ways of communicating that are screwing things up. The Steve responds much better to text messages than he does face to face. Of course, I don't see his face. He could be wearing the "blank" look for a minute or two before responding. I could possibly look into the different modes available. Perhaps ask my friends, "what works best for you?"
It is likely I'm just being an etiquette stickler. Possibly a whiner. An "over-communicator". Too friendly. What the fuck ever! Hello, I heard you, good bye. Basic shit.

In The Moment

It seems I have always been living in the moment. I just haven't been enjoying the moment as much as I would like to be. While I have appreciated, smiled and giggled maniacally at them, I haven't been savoring each one properly! I have had some very interesting moments too. My life has been supremely enjoyable. I never really brood about what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future. Life is what it is. I don't linger over it too much anyways. I am not overly emotional about the little stupid crap or the big overwhelming crap. What do they really matter anyway? Things are only as important as I decide they are and I decide they are not. There are at this moment in my universe, exactly three things that get my fleeting attention, very occasionally, that are in the past.
There was that one time in '92 that I know positively, absolutely that there is a video of... I get a little nervous now when MTV runs documentaries. But, it was super fun and not everyone has had the experience!
And one time 10 years ago, my husband said something to upset me so badly that I cried for a week and I still get a little hacked off about it if I think on it too long. So I don't really think on it much. Now.
The third thing? Not important to the subject. I am still making amends. It was not well done of me.
I take proper precautions with my life. Kind of. I plan a few weeks into the future at least. There is always enough. There is not always extra, but there is always enough!
So, about a year ago I was pretty sure I was going to die a horrible, young death. I didn't really brood on it. I just noted that it might be possible. It took me 4 months to get up the nerve I needed to verify my belief. I was an inward wreck for 2 weeks and then I went to get some tests run. I am fine. After 15 minutes of heavy, heavy relief ridden sobbing in the doctors office, I am fine. I am again certain this body will live for a long long time.
As a result of this though, I am in the present. No more messing around with boredom and being milquetoast about anything. I have decided to not do anything that I do not want to do. What's the point? It does not bring me joy and if I'm going to spread joy around, I need to be in possession of enough to share. I am going to love everyone of my friends completely, like I always have only now they will all feel the love. Regularly. To my long distance friends...you'll get used to it. It's nice to be loved. Maybe overwhelming, but nice and warm and snuggly with a smile on top..love!
I will cut more slack to people. I realize not everyone can or will do what I consider to be acceptable. I'm sure I'm not perfect either, but I am acceptable to me! I'm kind of picky about stuff. I will help others if I can and not point and laugh too loudly if I can't. I'm still a little mean deep down, but at least I do it with a smile and absolutely in fun, never ever maliciousness. Mad glee yes, mean spirited, no.
I realized all of this the other day as I returned to my car with a donut. I leaned my head on the head rest and enjoyed the hell out of that donut. I am going to cherish the sweet glaze that is life and probably more pastry items. Then I will lick my lips and finger tips and move on to whatever bit of delicious life throws my way. So here I am. In the moment and deliriously happy!

Fat Buzzy Bumblebees

I seem to have wandered away from my love fest. This just isn't acceptable and it's bound to get me in trouble! I really do enjoy a good bitch session, but what I am generally feeling like and what I'm writing are not aligned. My cranky tangents must at least be tempered with some kind of squishy, admiration. I feel the need to jump back in with the grace of a belly flop. So, I am going to share with you a few of the things I could not do without!
The very first thing is fat buzzy bumblebees. I haven't seen these in years. This year however, they have set up residence outside my front door. I love it! The wasps that were there last year scared the crap out of me, but bumblebees are my friends! For most of my life I believed they couldn't sting me and I took the time to admire them. Some big meany felt the need to inform me otherwise, but I simply refuse to acknowledge it! I love the way they slowly fly around in search of sweetness. The deep lazy buzz that escapes them is very soothing to me. They are more like an animal than an insect. If one ever stopped to say hi, I just might pet it!
The next super excellent thing is a donut. Donuts are the food of the Gods, I am certain of it. My affection for a bit of round, glazed goodness is so great that I may one day write a whole piece about that alone. I will, in truth, enjoy just about any kind of donut without any regret whatsoever. Two or three might cause a bit of guilt. But if I eat them alone in the car, no one knows do they? Jelly, custard, cake, fritter, chocolate...the list is endless. Raised glazed has to be the ultimate donut though! Yum. Krispy Kreme and Kwik Trip have the absolute BEST raised glazed action around. When my son was 3, we used to walk about a mile or so in the Florida sunshine to Dunkin Donuts. A couple times a week we would make the journey. Me happily pushing the stroller along and his happy little self enjoying the ride. When we arrived, I would get a drink and a toasted coconut donut. He would pick out the donut or donut holes that appealed to him most at that moment and a decaf with extra cream and sugar. (he's actually a middle aged man trapped in that little body)
These are some of the fondest memories I have of my boy. He still loves his donuts!
Since I seem to be wordy today I'll just add one more for now. This is a new addition to my world and something you would have to pry from my cold dead fingers...the iPhone! Wow! This may seriously be even more sweet than a DVR.(which I will continue to love unconditionally even though I haven't watched TV in months) The iPhone has quite literally put the internet in the palm of my hand. I often end up waiting for someone to do something while I am stuck with nothing to do. Now, I can check emails, play games, take pictures, identify unidentifiable music, get out my light saber, record myself talking and send it to you and flick my bic. I can no longer remain lost in a scary place due to the GPS, I know what the weather is going to be like, It wakes me up in the morning and helps me see in the dark. It helped hang a picture and can tell me my pulse rate. Oh ya and I can use it to call and text people! The options are endless! Best of all, I can Facebook! Super sweet!

Stupid Dumbass Conspiracy

I am not a conspiracy theorist on a normal, average day. Even though I'm a big player on this planet, I do not think anyone is out to get me personally. The government could not possibly be doing all the crazy shit people say it is. I know some fine folks really think so. I'm not trying to be a party-pooper. To speak honestly, I've been known to jump on a few bandwagons and wag my finger from my soapbox in an accusatory, righteous manner. But come on! There is too much "red tape" for this to be a fact. It would take ages to get government approval to commit secret large scale events. If they actually are doing these things? Well, at least they are keeping themselves busy. The government is a huge, insane machine. Do you want them to be bored with a lot of time on their hands?
I don't want to get any emails claiming that the "one" that you personally believe in, is in fact, happening at this very moment. I am surrounded by loved ones and friends who know too much. They have "researched it on the Internet". And, while we ALL know the Internet is riddled with undisputed fact, I tend to remain skeptical. In all fairness, they may be right. This is why I am relying on them to keep an eye on things and alert me to imminent danger. I have enough food to keep me and mine for a few months. I know where to find berries in the woods and how to fish if the food supply is threatened. I can even collect water via condensation. I am prepared for almost anything! I'm even ready with an acknowledgement for you if you must vent about the danger we are all facing.
So, that said, I must state my current suspicion. (I'm whispering so my voice is not picked up by satellite recorders) I think "they" are adding stupid to the water. "They" need you dumbed up. You are far to clever and might discover what is actually going on! Maybe it's a little stupid mixed in with the high fructose corn syrup or a sprinkle of dumbass in the vaccines. (no yelling) I'm with you on those two. That's why I'm even daring to suggest it! I'm certain it's liberally added to psychiatric meds and maybe regular meds too. Where is it exactly? Who is doing it? I am not sure about either of those. All I know is that people are walking around with their heads wedged firmly up their asses and they cannot see the world. Some, believe it or not, cannot even see the humor! Grrrr! Stupid people! You my friends are not my target. I'm about to rant and I wanted you to know that I do not add you in my tirade.
Let me list...Green means go! Stop DIRECTLY behind the cross walk, not 15 feet before you arrive at it. Pull up to the car in front of you so the turn lanes are not blocked. Driving up my ass will not make me move over. It will however activate my middle finger and a rushing stream of obscenities hollered out the window. You know who you are! Stop!! Don't cut in front of people in a line. Your snotty nosed, parentally ignored, publicly screaming children reflect badly upon you! Don't buy them the candy to pacify them. If your kid is asking politely, splurge the 50 cents! Cheap bastard! What if you had to count on some harried tight wad for all your treats? Let the kid enjoy life! Jimminy crickets!
'Muffin Top' should be covered up with a baggy shirt. No one needs to see that! Your boxers? Ya, the ones hanging out of your plumber pants? I'm sure that I see a skid mark. Hello! Underwear are not a fashion statement. They are to protect your junk from the elements. Do not make their job harder than it has to be.
You will sit at the table you are brought to. There is science behind the seating chart method. You are rocking the boat like a drunk sailor when you need to move somewhere else. There is NOT a draft in here. It is your imagination. Your over inflated sense of importance is yelling for attention. Eggs do not precede a moment of lactose intolerance. Eggs are not dairy! If you are on a restricted diet, eat at home. We do not cook the food. How are we supposed to know what's in it? Your soup will stay hot enough to eat if you would stop talking long enough to give it a go! Don't tell ME I brought it out cold! I almost burnt my finger making sure that this wasn't the case! (I jest of course) Do not order cold cereal or oatmeal in a restaurant. Just..WHY? Don't do it. Ask your waitress for everything you need all at once. If you are having brain farts and keep making her run, tip more. People! People! Napkins cost money! We do not reuse them. Don't ask for them just so your table can look prettier. If your child does not mash noodles into your carpet at home, then definitely put the kibosh on it in a public dining establishment. The coffee you are drinking does not taste old. There is no burnt flavor. It is kept in a thermos! Water with lemon is pretentious. Tasty, but pretentious. Water with lemon and a coupon...screams cheapskate! Water with lemon and sugar.. that's lemonade and I'm charging you accordingly! It also screams..NO TIP! Which equals apathetic service and a mind that cannot possibly recall what you've requested me to run in the back for...yet again!
Don't eat out of the bins in a grocery store. Do not eat the produce off the carts. This is STEALING. One grape? Who really cares about one grape? Um, still STEALING!!! STOP! Don't decide you don't want your gallon of ice cream or pork tenderloins and leave them in the cereal isle. Put them back or give them to the cashier. She knows you're an indecisive shopper already. No surprise to her! Your shopping cart goes 'in' the corral. Lazy! Push it into the one in front of it. I'm entirely certain that 1,000's of improperly placed shopping carts make the cart boy love his minimum wage job. He's probably blogging right now about the joy and fulfillment he experiences every day.
Just because I look like I know what's going on does not mean I work here. Look at my clothes! Am I wearing a Walgreen's/Walmart uniform? I cannot tell you how many times this has happened. I just help the person and shake my head in astonishment! They obviously needed the help!
Please people! Pull your head out and gaze in wonderment! There are people besides your fine self in the world. We know you will have your 'moments' this is ok. We've all been there. But, if you are continually getting bad service, strangers are flipping you off, the person in the line behind you is trying to make your miserable child happy and you are not smiling regularly... You have been drinking too much of the water. Stop now! Someone has poisoned it with dumbass and you've had too much! Stupid is oozing from your pores and you risk infecting innocent passers-by. Start an email petition to launch a congressional inquiry into the origins of stupid. It is reaching epidemic proportions. I'm sure the trend would swing violently upward on a graph. Just don't be a victim. Close your slack jawed mouth and take action before any more action is taken on you. Now you know that imminent danger is lurking all around you.
Since I have just exposed the 'Stupid Dumbass Conspiracy', on the Internet no less...Please come looking for me if I disappear. "THEY" are no doubt already on the way.

Go ahead...slap it.

It has taken me years and years of being a waitress to figure out my frisky male customers! I have been hugged, kissed, groped, propositioned and pulled down on to many a lap. I have gotten dirty notes, been talked to in a most unseemly way, ogled, and yes, I have been firmly smacked on my behind. Old guys, young guys. Sober, drunk. Asian, white, black..it does not seem to matter! One unfortunate customer of mine actually tipped me $70.00 dollars. I felt bad for him because I thought he must be so lonely. Sure enough, he asked me out for coffee. I had to break it to him gently that I was not allowed to go out with customers. OK? Creepy! I did offer him his money back, but, apparently I am an AWESOME waitress and I got to keep it. One would think I have a sign stuck to me that says, "go ahead, see what happens".
I'm really not complaining. It does give me something to talk about and it can be quite amusing. This, in fact, might be part of the issue. But it's not about me and what I find funny. It's about bad manners. Honestly I don't think I invite this sort of behavior from absolute strangers. On the other hand, I don't scold anyone too horribly when they get out of line. Maybe I should, but the frisky critters have done no actual harm. I don't want to ruin an otherwise excellent day for them with unnecessary anger. I have, at times, wondered if I flirt too much and I have decided the answer is, No! I do smile a lot and I'm friendly but I don't think this is why freedoms are taken with my personage. I smile at the gas station guy and HE hasn't tried to cop a feel! Not yet. I do keep my eye out though for surprise affection. Random people on the street can be frisky too. But that my friends is an entirely different topic! I think.... I will have to ponder on it for a while.
So, I haven't invited it. There is no sign hanging on me giving the 'go ahead'. I'm guessing that I'm not so hot that a man should not be able to control himself. Most people have manners and mind them. What is it then? Of course! It came to me quite suddenly!
I must have been a serving wench in a past life! Probably many past lives. Back when it was the norm to get a good grasp on the help! This was sport! These naughty boys are simply my old customers and they're doing what I should expect them to do! Nothing else explains it quite like this, so I will accept it as fact! So, go ahead you brave, brave souls. Slap away! Just be prepared for the day I slap back.

Stupid Busy Work

Wow! Why do schools feel the need to give busy work to my child? I'm sure it's not JUST mine, but that's what I'm in a tizzy about today! He is in 4th grade. He has been behind on this grid project for a couple weeks. It requires coloring. He has to follow numbers and letters to arrive at a location on the paper. Once he has allowed his genius to be abused in such a fashion, a "surprise" picture miraculously appears. It's a family of bunnies! Good God! Really? I took pity on the boy and colored for him. Please! Hold your gasp of indignation! For the first HOUR, I had him tell me where and what color. For the next HOUR AND A HALF I set him to work doing something useful. He hauled a huge pile of wood to the pit for me. Man work! I did the coloring. Girl work! Yes, it's true, I do happen to like coloring. It did not however have absolutely any educational value in my opinion..as fun as it was. NOT! I like to pick my own coloring books. Seriously, who's in charge? Do we send people through four years of college to teach intelligent children to color in a small box neatly? What the hell do they think he's going to be when he grows up? An idiot? I should mention he is in a Technology "forward" school. They should be building evil robots or hacking something, right? Not coloring!

Rolling Naked in a Field of Daisies

I think growing up in the 70's has warped me in ways I still cannot fathom. I do know that with out the warm embracing idealism of hippiedom, I would be a crotchety conformist, hell bent on following the rules of society. The two sides of me war frequently.

I would find it appealing to live in a commune. Let's raise our crops and children together! Both would certainly flourish. I would love to share my life with people of the same mind-set. The closeness of my fellows would bring me happiness. A friend would always be there. On the other hand, I would not be able to escape the closeness of my fellows and I'm thinking we would definitely need a maid. I abhor clutter of any kind. Other peoples children, well...I'll just say it! Other peoples children behave strangely. I hate bugs! I hate being dirty. I entirely doubt my ability to farm. Add to this the fact that I don't know how any of us would make the rent and I seriously second guess my belief in the love I harbor for communal living.

I love 60's and 70's folk songs! Of course, Peter, Paul and Mary kick ass! I love singing! Almost nothing is more rapturous than sitting around, mellowed out with friends, while one of them strums out a tune and we sing along. All right! Honestly! I'm absolutely in love with this for 2-3 songs and then I'm done! I went out and bought 'Puff the Magic Dragon' for my son when he was a baby. I did it because I remembered the joy I felt whenever I heard it as a child. I popped it in the CD player and started singing to him. Has anyone actually listened to this song? I started crying. It is bone wrenchingly sad.

Free love sounds enticing doesn't it? The ability to share a deep part of yourself indiscriminately and without guilt. In fact it would be a glorious thing, right? You simply express your desires and they are fulfilled by any number of your friends or aquaintences. Yep, any number of your friends or aquaintences that are carriers of a completely disgusting malady! Some kind of venereal disease would surely be waiting for one if that road was traveled. Monogamy seems to be the safest route. True monongamy at any rate. One's partner would have to be utterly faithful as well or all sorts of hell could be visited upon a person. No free love. Big sigh.

Living in a van. Well, I could see the freedom that would afford me. The open road. No responsibilities. No working for "The Man". Meeting new people everyday and seeing every square foot of our beautiful country! Living off of natures bounty. Then my common sense side kicks me. It says, "No bathing for you! No money, no gas. Strangers can be dangerous, murderous thugs. You couldn't find food in the wild if your life depended on it." So really, when it comes down to it, I'd be living in a van down by the river. I'd smell like fish and dirty water. I'd be starving. I would fear for my very life whenever I saw a new person approaching. I'd be a complete wreck.

Protesting. This is an activity I could really sink my teeth into!! I have no firm grasp upon my righteous anger. It simply flies into the world with force. There are injustices on this earth that require loud voices to carry the truth of it to mankind! I will carry a sign and chant alone if I have to. My common sense was trying to enter in here. Hippiedom wins!! Take that conformist attitude! I am completely willing to get pepper-sprayed for a worthy cause. The thought of getting hauled off to the clinker is a bit enticing. I can sit in one spot for hours and not budge an inch, thus conquering the requirements of a sit-in! When I am right, I am right. I do require though that one know exactly what he is protesting! No blind leading the blind here! Know for what you fight! Know it well.

Drugs are not my thing. I can't stir up any hidden love for them at all. As much as people think they handle the problems of existence, I can't even imagine that. No hallucinogens here. The stuff in my mind on a regular day is scary enough, as those of you who hang out in there can testify.

So, what have I learned today? I would totally share my living space! My husband and son are good roomies so far. Free love! Oh yes! Within the boundaries of holy matrimony or it's equivilent "long standing relationship". Living in a van? Maybe a Winnebago with water, toilet, stocked fridge, full tank and door locks, driven by a recent lottery winner. Protesting? I'm in. Call me with your needs! Drugs? We don't need those. Come over, have a Mike's with me and I'll amaze you with stories. Folk songs in moderation only!

The hippie-dippiest thing I always thought would be a blast? Rolling naked in a field of daisies! I would totally do this! You are invited! We will be rolled safely in our own seperate thick blankets to protect us from thistles and rocks. When we're done I'm going to need the twigs and bugs out of my hair! See you soon.

Silly Self Entitlement

Have you noticed that a few people in our current society feel entitled? Not many people, but at least 2 or 3. I will not point fingers or name names as this would be the height of impropriety!
Nonetheless, I do feel the need to address it. The span of self entitlement is broad. On the low end, you see a customer that feels it is his God given right to be treated as if he were the only person in existence and you were made with the sole intention to serve him. If I'm feeling perky I may pander to this behavior because it amuses me or because I am bored. On the other end, one might see a person living off the good grace of others. He is collecting a government check, bemoaning his sad state, able to be productive and still unwilling. Every step of the way he feels entitled to what he receives and shows absolutely no remorse. Both of these and every step in between are the stuff of frustration to a productive, respectful, helpful member of society. I certainly believe one should help the people that are in need. Good service should be expected. There are things one is entitled to. These would be your basic human rights. Getting something for nothing at the expense of others, neediness that borders on desperation , sucking the happiness out of your fellow humans and being an ass is not acceptable. One must earn what they get and respect others that do too.

Joy

I have, over the years gathered a motley array of friends. They are colorful, fun, speak your mind kind of people. All have definite opinions on life and feel free to express themselves in an endless variety of ways. They are artists, they are dreamers, they are mothers and fathers, they are active in their communities, they are the very essence of what a good life is made up of. These souls were, at some point in my life, for whatever peiod of time, the utter joy in my existence. They are the "I will hold you up" kind of friends that do not ever weigh you down. Many are people that I have lost contact with for various reasons through the years. I feel an occasional pang of sadness I missed out on so much fun. I am now however in the middle of complete personal bliss at knowing them again. My friends...you are beautiful.

An Ode to Yo Momma

Props to yo momma
who kissed all your hurt
when your clumsy ass fell
into the dirt

who listened to
your tales of woe
she didn't laugh
when your tears flowed

She held you up
when she'd like to sleep
you saw her smile
when she'd rather weep

She didn't judge you
she loved you well
What'd you give in return
you gave her hell

She did all for you
and gladly so
all the while
you didn't know

She sacrificed much
of herself for you
you'd apologize to her
if you only knew

Props to yo momma.

Has Anyone Seen My Little Lost Sleep?

Somewhere between then and now I have lost the ability to make it through an entire night without waking up. "Then" being pre-child, pre-pet, pre-I give a shit about what actually happens in the world. "Now" being as close as last night, because I still harbor optimism concerning the rest I'll receive in about an hour.
I can understand the pregnancy problems that kept me up..excitement, worry and a little tiny foot pressed firmly against what I affectionately referred to as my "pee box". Combine all of this with an attractively rounded body and a rogue wave producing water bed and, well, I hope you get the picture.
I can also understand the baby waking up in the middle of the night, the little noises that will shoot an exhausted woman out of bed, completely certain something catastrophic has happened and all the other unmentioned things that take place the first few years of a new life.
But, I have now officially gone with out a good, solid night of sleep for more than 10 years. I will even lie to myself concerning what constitutes a good night just so I can have one! Without fail, EVERY night, the fates conspire to wake my tired ass up at least once if not 4, 5 and 6 times. The dogs decide it's a good time for love, the boy (now ten) still wakes up in the middle of the night, the street light outside my window goes on and off and yes it wakes me up. My husband, bless his hard working hard sleeping self will add to the fray with the ODDEST noises you've ever heard! My particular favorite is a sound like an inquisitive gopher. (made in a dead sleep at the back of his throat) My boy, being a very close genetic copy, also makes the same noise. My floor squeaks, the phone rings, there is loud snoring, the dogs think they hear an intruder, I'm restless, I think and think and think....why can I not sleep?!!!
Just when I get really, really deep in to it..about 2 hours before the alarm goes off..yep, a fucking woodpecker. Yet, I still have hope. I am the eternal optimist. I will continue to give it my all.

A Blog is Born

This is the birth of my blog. It is starting as a little tiny sweet thing, but it's going to grow and change and generally be more and more entertaining to me. (and hopefully you)
In this initial piece, I wanted to share my desire to communicate. I have this desire to talk to everyone! I find people fascinating. I am inexplicably overflowing with words and ideas that are demanding a place in the world. They are escaping at inappropriate times in a loud, boisterous way. While I don't mind this personally, my co workers often give me the "raised" eyebrow. This makes me giggle and more of my thoughts tumble forth as if they are encouraged! Wow! A vicious cycle of share, shock, giggle, share some more! There may be a deep meaningful expression of something or other...someday, but for now.....