I am fervently hoping that the occasional foot-long hair I pull from the crack of my ass is a rogue head hair and not my butt's cry for a good waxing.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
A Quote I Read
"There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream."
My take on it:
If you stop chasing it, maybe it'll stop running away.
My take on it:
If you stop chasing it, maybe it'll stop running away.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Fuzzy Blue Pegasus Blanket from Japan
14 Changes of Residence
15 Awesome roommates
1 Psychotic, overly frisky roommate who really liked to sing
5 Standard beds
1 Water bed
2 States
2 Continents
1 Military Base
13 or 14 Cars
5 Cats
1 Bunny
2 Hermit crabs
2 Dogs
1 Frog
4 Goldfish
2 Husbands
1 Child
4 Pregnancies
5 Surgeries
9 Jobs
1 Business
4 MLMs
2 Long term boyfriends and some, um, other boyfriends.
Many unwise decisions.
A few instances of flagrant disregard for consequences
and countless dreams.
Surely you have some mystical, ancient powers to have seen me through over half of my life in one piece and smiling.
I did not die in an inferno when my man used to fall asleep on you while smoking. Indeed, you bear many scars as testament to your flame resistant properties.
You kept me safe and cozy in my wilder years, always providing a snuggly, queen-sized landing spot after a hard night.
You've kept unharmed, many friends who simply needed sanctuary.
You have been privy to a million tears. You alone could testify that I am not immune to a broken heart.
You've cradled my child and I through an untold number of sleepless nights.
You were machine washable.
Stain resistant.
Despite being nearly rent in twain, you continued to provide unselfishly.
You never complained.
You've never shared my secrets.
You were a true friend.
I will miss you fuzzy blue pegasus blanket from Japan.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
What I Learned This Week
This:
is not milk.
In defense of what I am about to share with you: It DOES have less than 2% of Sodium Caseinate which is apparently a "milk" derivative.
It also SAYS "creamer" on the front.
I'M SORRY person who picked the wording on the container, does "creamer" not imply "milk"?
Asscracker!
Sadly, I found this out 2 days AFTER I used it as a substitute for milk in The Boy's Hamburger Helper. 2 days AFTER The Man said, "I'm just saying, that's expensive. It doesn't have a really strong flavor though."
Hamburger Helper aside... I fed my boy chemical laden, non-dairy, partially hydrogenated crap. Today I am wiser.
is not milk.
In defense of what I am about to share with you: It DOES have less than 2% of Sodium Caseinate which is apparently a "milk" derivative.
It also SAYS "creamer" on the front.
I'M SORRY person who picked the wording on the container, does "creamer" not imply "milk"?
Asscracker!
Sadly, I found this out 2 days AFTER I used it as a substitute for milk in The Boy's Hamburger Helper. 2 days AFTER The Man said, "I'm just saying, that's expensive. It doesn't have a really strong flavor though."
Hamburger Helper aside... I fed my boy chemical laden, non-dairy, partially hydrogenated crap. Today I am wiser.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I am Having the Love for You
Cut me some slack.
I cannot make it stop.
I wouldn't if I could because I enjoy it even though it's most unseemly.
It's like hurricane driven waves washing over me if I try to stop it from escaping. Hurculean waves of sparkly, happy feel good that almost sweep me away. The sensation is stunning. I try to stand still in the tempest of it and just enjoy without drowning any innocent bystanders. You may still want to brace yourself and grab a flotation device if you are ever in the path. Just in case.
I often think it involves all of humanity when it's happening because I look at everyone more kindly. I generally like everyone but this is different. It's so intense it becomes nearly impossible not to squeeze even absolute strangers in an enthusiastic hug and pepper them with kisses. I want to spin in circles and laugh until I'm breathless. I want to dance. Right where I am. Arms in the air, singing at the top of my lungs making a spectacle of myself!
Then, of course, someone has to come along and wreck it. Usually some ill mannered piece of work who has a sick desire to test my patience. I have not developed the skills necessary to tolerate asscrackers for very long, let alone flood them with happiness. At least not without effort. Sometimes I blast happiness at crabby, grumbly people for my own amusement. But that's not love and it doesn't count. It's really kind of mean.
After such an unfortunate busting of my love bubble and an urge to slap said person in the forehead repeatedly, I continue on. My happiness dimmed just momentarily. My frolicsome nature and sense of well being return in no time. Then the ginormous love wave starts building once again until it's so big, it threatens to send me out into the world looking for someone to share it with.
I love you. Hold on.
I cannot make it stop.
I wouldn't if I could because I enjoy it even though it's most unseemly.
It's like hurricane driven waves washing over me if I try to stop it from escaping. Hurculean waves of sparkly, happy feel good that almost sweep me away. The sensation is stunning. I try to stand still in the tempest of it and just enjoy without drowning any innocent bystanders. You may still want to brace yourself and grab a flotation device if you are ever in the path. Just in case.
I often think it involves all of humanity when it's happening because I look at everyone more kindly. I generally like everyone but this is different. It's so intense it becomes nearly impossible not to squeeze even absolute strangers in an enthusiastic hug and pepper them with kisses. I want to spin in circles and laugh until I'm breathless. I want to dance. Right where I am. Arms in the air, singing at the top of my lungs making a spectacle of myself!
Then, of course, someone has to come along and wreck it. Usually some ill mannered piece of work who has a sick desire to test my patience. I have not developed the skills necessary to tolerate asscrackers for very long, let alone flood them with happiness. At least not without effort. Sometimes I blast happiness at crabby, grumbly people for my own amusement. But that's not love and it doesn't count. It's really kind of mean.
After such an unfortunate busting of my love bubble and an urge to slap said person in the forehead repeatedly, I continue on. My happiness dimmed just momentarily. My frolicsome nature and sense of well being return in no time. Then the ginormous love wave starts building once again until it's so big, it threatens to send me out into the world looking for someone to share it with.
I love you. Hold on.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Horoscope for the Unfettered Soul
I wish they made daily Horoscopes for happy, carefree people.
I imagine it would read like this:
The sensitive Pisces New Moon influences your 8th House of satisfaction, making you less than able to pretend enjoyment in the status quo. People that do not match your level of intensity may chafe your happiness and cause an uncomfortable mental rash.
Some lingering issues with laugh induced drooling are bound to be popping up today. Just try not snort or cackle. There should be an opportunity for singing and spinning in circles but watch out for burs whilst you roll around in the daisy patch.
Your intuition will be right on as usual. You should make sure to fully explore any opportunities that will be crossing your path. Frivolity awaits. Indeed it will likely be pounding upon your door. Fling it open and embrace it.
There will be quite a few obligations and responsibilities for you to have to deal with today but you can ignore those because you will be busy. You’ll end up having to do quite a bit of running around today spreading sunshine. Don't let the asscrackers rob you of joy.
Mantra: Delight.
I imagine it would read like this:
The sensitive Pisces New Moon influences your 8th House of satisfaction, making you less than able to pretend enjoyment in the status quo. People that do not match your level of intensity may chafe your happiness and cause an uncomfortable mental rash.
Some lingering issues with laugh induced drooling are bound to be popping up today. Just try not snort or cackle. There should be an opportunity for singing and spinning in circles but watch out for burs whilst you roll around in the daisy patch.
Your intuition will be right on as usual. You should make sure to fully explore any opportunities that will be crossing your path. Frivolity awaits. Indeed it will likely be pounding upon your door. Fling it open and embrace it.
There will be quite a few obligations and responsibilities for you to have to deal with today but you can ignore those because you will be busy. You’ll end up having to do quite a bit of running around today spreading sunshine. Don't let the asscrackers rob you of joy.
Mantra: Delight.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Safety Shmafety
A year or 2 ago I received a very stern lecture from my husband on internet safety. He took the modest data I had in my Twitter profile, and from his phone, showed me a Google map of our house. In about 2 minutes. HELLO! I really should have known this was possible.
I thought I knew all about internet safety:
Never give addresses, passwords, phone numbers. No pictures of schools, local organizations or the workplace. Don't click on suspicious links. Only look at porn on someone else's computer. Use a secure browser. Prince Tayebaba of Botswana does not really need my help to release his inheritance from an evil bank and there are not really "hot singles" in my area waiting to meet me (though I secretly think there are)....All the obvious stuff.
I thought I was pretty savvy. Guess Not.
I removed my real name from everything. Went back through my blogs and removed any identifying info. Tightened all my social network settings and breathed a sigh of relief at the sweet safety of anonymity.
Then one day I Googled my name. Holy lack of privacy Batman! My name was spread around like a 5 dollar whore! It seems I have nothing better to do than sign up for crap and comment on Fan pages. (all public record you know)
So I changed all my public account names to an alias and deleted my naughtier comments on those Fan pages to protect my good name. I then educated myself. Knowledge is power. Right? I still make mistakes and I do not claim to know everything. But, I am a fairly good snoop and inside 5 minutes I can know where your house is. It's creepy. It's also a good thing I am not a bad man.
So the other day, I gave out personal information to someone I did not know in order to help them. I researched what the data could be used for. Decided it was safe and returned to rolling around in my mental field of daisies. Then my husband put on his stern face again and made me doubt my safety. Seriously. He can send a chill down my spine.
I have been known to attract intense people. Not stalkers. Just intensity. I do like me some communication and I am not stingy with mine. I'll talk to anyone.
It took me about an hour to come back to my sense of inner peacefulness. I merely recalled something my dad told me when I asked him to put more secure window locks on my house windows.
He said, "Ehhhhh. If someone wants to get in, they will get in."
Epiphany!!! (heavenly light shines down)
I will continue as I always have. I will take proper precautions. I will trust in the goodness of others. There is no other way for me. Without communication there is no happiness. If you creep me out I will block your ass.
I thought I knew all about internet safety:
Never give addresses, passwords, phone numbers. No pictures of schools, local organizations or the workplace. Don't click on suspicious links. Only look at porn on someone else's computer. Use a secure browser. Prince Tayebaba of Botswana does not really need my help to release his inheritance from an evil bank and there are not really "hot singles" in my area waiting to meet me (though I secretly think there are)....All the obvious stuff.
I thought I was pretty savvy. Guess Not.
I removed my real name from everything. Went back through my blogs and removed any identifying info. Tightened all my social network settings and breathed a sigh of relief at the sweet safety of anonymity.
Then one day I Googled my name. Holy lack of privacy Batman! My name was spread around like a 5 dollar whore! It seems I have nothing better to do than sign up for crap and comment on Fan pages. (all public record you know)
So I changed all my public account names to an alias and deleted my naughtier comments on those Fan pages to protect my good name. I then educated myself. Knowledge is power. Right? I still make mistakes and I do not claim to know everything. But, I am a fairly good snoop and inside 5 minutes I can know where your house is. It's creepy. It's also a good thing I am not a bad man.
So the other day, I gave out personal information to someone I did not know in order to help them. I researched what the data could be used for. Decided it was safe and returned to rolling around in my mental field of daisies. Then my husband put on his stern face again and made me doubt my safety. Seriously. He can send a chill down my spine.
I have been known to attract intense people. Not stalkers. Just intensity. I do like me some communication and I am not stingy with mine. I'll talk to anyone.
It took me about an hour to come back to my sense of inner peacefulness. I merely recalled something my dad told me when I asked him to put more secure window locks on my house windows.
He said, "Ehhhhh. If someone wants to get in, they will get in."
Epiphany!!! (heavenly light shines down)
I will continue as I always have. I will take proper precautions. I will trust in the goodness of others. There is no other way for me. Without communication there is no happiness. If you creep me out I will block your ass.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Fuck it.
It has been almost an entire year since I last used this venue to communicate. I am a chatty kind of girl too.
When last I posted, I was headed out on an adventure. Quite the learning experience it was. Turns out I have gentle feelings people can hurt. Jerks.
I have posted mental meanderings since then, but not here. Not raw Angel so to speak. So fuck it. I am posting what I have written and saved. It will display the date I wrote it, not today's date. The backlogged communication has broken free. I will not be letting a bunch of bad fucking manners ruin my happiness.
LOVES!
When last I posted, I was headed out on an adventure. Quite the learning experience it was. Turns out I have gentle feelings people can hurt. Jerks.
I have posted mental meanderings since then, but not here. Not raw Angel so to speak. So fuck it. I am posting what I have written and saved. It will display the date I wrote it, not today's date. The backlogged communication has broken free. I will not be letting a bunch of bad fucking manners ruin my happiness.
LOVES!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
