Feelings really suck.

I'm going to preface this entire horrible public spewing of "feelings" with:
If it weren't for the 6 fun things I did, the genuine love of two old friends, the giving in of one person and my hosts who were beyond fantastic and concerned with my welfare, I may have leaped off of something very tall. I'm especially grateful for my hosts. They really went above and beyond anything I could ever expect of friends. I am forever in their debt. I did have fun in everything that I did do. If you know me you've likely heard all the cool stuff and think I had a blast the whole trip. In time... that's what the story will become for me. I will have blocked everything else much the same as a woman blocks the painful memories of childbirth.
That said, maybe I can write about my trip now without being too bummed out. Nope. Guess not. Just starting to type has me tearing up and getting sniffly. Oh well. It's obvious I need to vent and get the yuck and upset out of me because it's been near 2 months since I came back and I am still very sad about a lot of it.
I think that maybe a girl of my age and wisdom should really know by now to not have such high expectations of people. I probably should not form ideals in my mind and expect the world to fall in line behind me. But, I do. I always do. Usually, all goes as I plan. This time however it did not. Not only did it not, but it was so far from the fun I had envisioned I almost left 2 days into my 7 day trip. I didn't because I still had faith. I really should have left. It would have saved me hours of tears and a horrible freakin cold. I never ever get colds! Ever. OMG, did I get sick. I was so upset I lost 5 pounds in the 7 days I was there. That is unheard of. Stupid feelings. I hate having stupid emotionally charged feelings, but FUCK this really has me charged up. I wouldn't even be writing about it except for the fact that I really don't think anyone will read it and it'll help me cease being sad. Probably. I hope.
I don't know that I have ever been so neglected and downright unacknowledged in my life. I went to see all these people that I really cared for in my past. 15 at least. I was cancelled on, straight up ignored, promises broken. Ahhhhhh! I understand that people are busy. I know that they have lives. I know that I am likely not an important piece of their present. Here is what I would do for someone I consider a friend: I would make time. Whatever it took. I would make time. I will always make time. 5 minutes or a day. Whatever is needed. Whatever is wanted. If you come to visit the state I am in and wish to see me, I will move mountains to make it happen. Things are not important. Tasks can wait. People are what matters. You matter to me. The people that straight up ignored me, matter to me and I will go back and try to lose another 5 pounds in the fall.
(10 months have passed. I'm posting this to unclog my sticky bloggery communication and while proof reading, I find it still makes me cry) Holy Shit!